99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall

So I was halfway through buying my ticket for the school trip to Barcelona when I was informed that the bus ride would be 15 hours. I was all like, ¨chicka whaaaat?!”. And then the French people were all like, ¨we don´t know what that means.¨And then I was all like ¨nevermind¨and continued to buy the ticket anyways.

But seriously…15 hours people! I know complaining about the length of the ride in a quality double-decker bus to go from one European country to the next is very privileged white girl of me, so I am instead going to provide you with this cleverly-titled list:

“15 Things To Do On A 15-Hour Bus Ride”

1. Listen to the French guy quietly singing Justin Bieber to himself while huddled against the window. This is one of the greatest things to ever happen in the history of my life.

2. Take in the scenery. I have to say, the scenery of southern France is a bit more exotic than the Indiana/Illinois landscape I typically encounter on my many drives from Ohio to Wisconsin….less casino billboards though, so I´m not sure which is actually better.

3. Comfort yourself. So one of the organizers of the trip came around and asked everyone to sign a waiver. I wasn´t sure what a certain word meant, so this was how he explained it to me in his limited English: ¨It´s like, in case a policeman abuses you when he is arresting you, it´s not our responsibility.¨ Great, just great.

4. Be genuinely concerned about French people and their nicotine intake. Five whole hours at a time without smoking! I couldn´t believe it! My lungs had already mentally prepared themselves for a smoke-filled bus ride.

5. Watch E.T. with Wiz Khalifa as the soundtrack. They showed this movie, but with no sound, so I just listened to my iPod while watching. I have to say that Wiz Khalifa´s songs were surprisingly fitting though.

6. Contemplate Drew Barrymore´s childhood descent into drugs. Why, Drew, why? You were so cute on your little bike! It´s okay though, we forgive you. If giving the world ¨Never Been Kissed¨doesn´t count as redemption, I don´t know what does.

7. Judge others. Seriously, who takes grapes and cheese as roadtrip snacks? I feel like it is amateur hour on this bus.

8. Creep on conversations. Yay, so much French for me to try to understand! Truly, the French language is so beautiful, with the exception of the occasional word that sounds like one is hocking a loogie. In my opinion, the beauty of the French language is rivaled only by Italian and l33t (if you know what this is, you were probably as cool as me in middle school).

9. Freak out silently to yourself. My life is truly embodied in this SNL skit. I am convinced that one day I am going to leave my hair straightener on a stack of newspapers. Although, I´m not entirely sure it would be such a bad thing if my current residence burned to the ground.*

10. Be nostalgic. The long road trip made me miss the days when my family would spend hours in the car, trying not to kill each other. My dad would quiz us on random trivia and my brothers and I would do choral versions of N´Sync songs.**

11. Pretend like you´re on the Magic School Bus. I didn´t actually do this, but it would be fun, right? Right?

12. Awkwardly make eye contact with the guy sitting across from you approximately 20 million times.

13. Weigh the pros and cons of cracking your back/every other bone in your body. Pro: would feel amazing. Con: everyone around me would think I was a digusting non-human.***

14. Wonder what will happen to your vagina if Mitt Romney becomes president.

15. Write a blog post about how bored you are.

With the road trip under my belt, I am excited to see what Spain adventures are to come! The only Spanish I know is ¨where is the bathroom¨, so at least we know my bladder will be content!

*Just kidding…when it comes to arson, just say no!

**Yes, this did happen. If I do say so myself, our rendition of ¨Dirty Pop¨remains to this day hauntingly beautiful.

***I think we all know which side won out.

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