Jersey Shore, Taco Bell, and Freedom

Yay I have been adopted! I have a gig that does not require me to make snow cones* and in which I only have a 5% chance of sitting in pickle juice*!

I will be an English tutor for a French family with three kids. The dad, besides being a professional DILF, is a law professor here at the Université Catholique and the mom is a dentist.

So last Wednesday I met Simon (the dad) at his office and he drove me to their house to meet the family. It’s going to be hard to make this blog post funny because I can’t say anything even slightly sarcastic about them….they were all just so nice! The kids are freaking adorable: there is a little boy age 5, and two girls, ages 8 and 12.

Image

To teach about American culture, I will regularly be visiting peopleofwalmart.com (example above)……’murrika.

I knew this was going to be the job for me when, immediately after arriving at the house and introducing me to the kids, Simon asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. He then proceeded to give me 3 glasses of different wines, showing me a map of France while his 12-year-old pointed out the regions they came from. Oh, and they gave me a cheese tasting too. So yeah, my job is the shit. I kept saying how much I liked them and at one point, Simon told me that I shouldn’t be worried about telling him if there was a wine I didn’t like. I couldn’t figure out how to delicately explain in French that the only wine I had tasted in the country thus far came in a 5-liter barrel (literally) and cost a whopping 5 euros, thus my standards were pretty low, so I just politely nodded my head.

When the wife, Helene, came home, she was equally attractive and nice, thus my hopes for a Jude Law type situation were completely crushed. Oh well, tant pis. We had dinner, played pinball, and I gave the kids little American flags that they were very excited to put in their rooms. The only hiccup was that the little boy, Louie, ran away from me literally every time that I tried to talk to him. The family assured me that he is always timid at first with strangers. Once again, I didn’t know how to delicately explain in French that I am used to boys running away every time I try to talk to them, so I just politely nodded my head.

So basically I will be picking up the kids from school once a week, bringing them home, and teaching them English and about American culture (god help us all). It’s kind of ironic because I’ve always talked about not wanting to be a teacher because, you know, I hate the nation’s youth and everything (just kidding – I have never wanted to be a teacher though). But yeah, if anyone who has had experience teaching English to non-native speakers feels like commenting below and giving me some advice/ideas, that would be great! (I’m talking to you, Olivia Bull).

As far as the American culture part goes, the title of this post will be the title of my first lesson. Second lesson: The Kardashian Konspiracy: If Butts Could Talk.

Image

We will also go into a detailed analysis of the Kanye West/Taylor Swift MTV-VMA’s debacle. I have been told French people think Kanye West is demonic….I am not sure I disagree.

*To be fair though, I am pretty boss at making snow cones…one might even say I’m something of an artist.

*This is a tentative number.

Advertisements

2 responses

  1. We are really enjoying the blog. Very funny! Forgive my ignorance on not knowing what a DILF is, either amateur or professional. Here in Jersey we are constantly bombarded with Jersey Shore machine publicity. I like what Conan O’Brien had to say now the show is in its last year: “It’s a shame Jersey Shore is ending. Now we’ll never know if they learn to walk upright.”—Keep having fun, Uncle Galen

  2. “IM GONNA LET U FINISH BUT BEYONCE GOT ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS OF ALL TIME!!”
    yeezy ^^

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: